My Thoughts, My Life, My Story
by NeWings
Summary: The journal of Lily Evans begins on her 17th birthday and tells the story through her eyes of how she lived, why she lived, and what she died for. Before her son's story changed the wizarding world, her story changed her life.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I did not write the Harry Potter series, nor did I publish the books.  I am not making any profit whatsoever off of this.  I am merely borrowing JK Rowling's ideas and spinning them into something someone else has probably done before.  Anything that resembles someone from real life in name or personality is completely coincidental.

A/N- Apologies for the repetition in some of this chapter.  It's an introduction to the rest of the story, and as such, deals a lot with Lily's past and with laying down the setting of the story.  YES!  This means that you will be briefed YET AGAIN on what the wizarding world is.  But, assuming you've read all the books thus far, you've put up with it four times already so once more won't hurt you.  Skip it if you wish, it won't hurt my feelings, but please try to read the rest, which is setting the framework for an actual plot. ~Nemerte

My Thoughts, My Life, My Story: The Journal of Lily Evans 

August 2nd, 1976

            People are always telling me I live a fairy tale.  My mother and father talk about me, only to themselves and never anyone else, as though I live the perfect life with the perfect friends in the perfect situations.  My twin sister stares after me enviously, and grows angry when I try and point out all the difficulties that I go through too.  The girls at school think I'm too lucky to be _sooooooooo_ smart and _soooooooooo_ pretty and _soooooooo_ nice.  It's flattering, but it's sickening.  Good morning, world!  My name is Lily Evans and I'm just another normal girl!

            Today, in honor of "her royal highness's seventeenth birthday!" my parents bestowed upon me a journal, pink, and complete with little gold sparkles and faux fur lining.  "It's so you can record everything that happens in your magnificent life, and later read your children your very own fairy tale story," they told me.  Well, to hell with that.  If my children ever read this, they'll know the truth.

            And let me tell you, the truth begins with knowing that the instant I am back on the Hogwarts Express and fully authorized to use my wand once more, this journal is getting a major makeover.  I'm thinking something along the lines of navy on light blue swirls with my name engraved in silver on the cover and a charm preventing anyone other than me from opening it.

AND NO, WHOEVER DARES TO READ THIS BEFORE ABOVE ALTERATION CAN BE COMPLETED, I WILL NOT WRITE WHICH CHARM SO YOU CAN LOOK UP ITS COUNTER!  James Potter, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, and Peter Pettigrew, I will have you know that YES I know you will probably at some point get your hands on this, and let me tell you the instant I find out about it, and I will find out, there will be a nice long series of hexes with your names written all over them.  It's high time you learned the hard way to keep your noses out of other people's business. 

            With that firmly established, I shall now proceed to tell you a little about myself.  As previously mentioned, my name is Lily Rachelle Evans.  I was born on August 2nd seventeen years ago approximately five minutes after my sister Petunia.  We are quite literally flower children, although I do not generally associate myself with that movement.

            I love, and have always loved my family to bits and pieces, but they drive me up a wall sometimes.  My sister can be incredibly jealous of me, although I don't understand way, and takes out her anger by holding my owl, Jasmine, hostage for days at a time.  (The owl was my eleventh birthday present so my parents named her; they have quite a fetish with flower names.)  Contrarily, my parents are so overwhelmingly proud of me that sometimes I fear they will kill me with all their happy-go-lucky conceptions of my hormone-terrorized teenage life.  On top of that, while pestering me endlessly about my beaus and terribly _interesting_ schoolwork, they still think I'm five.  Hence, the pink fluffy diary.  Yet, those are the people I've grown up with.  Bizarre as they can be, I can't quite imagine a life devoid of them.

            Real life, however, comes dangerously close to that at times.  See, the summer I turned eleven, around the beginning of July, I received notice that I was a witch.  Petunia did not, and she will never let me forget that.  After a bit of speculation, my parents and I did manage to find Diagon Alley, a magical shopping mall of sorts, and we were finally presented with an explanation for why all the water in the house was a greenish color when I was upset, along with the deduction that occasionally, when I really did not want to clean my room, my possessions actually grew legs and walked themselves away.

            Magic is a fascinating thing, really.

            My being a witch, however, meant that I would attend boarding school at Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry in an undisclosed location.  Not only does my family not have the faintest idea where I spend my time, but they also haven't the faintest perception of what it is I'm learning there.  Additionally, I'm incapable of demonstrating when I go home for the summer because of legal complications (underage wizard laws and muggle protection acts mainly.)  It's incredibly bizarre to practically live in an entirely different world from your closest relations.

            School is wonderful, though.  I'm in Gryffindor house, which supposedly means I'm brave, honorable, and quick to think, although I really have little tangible evidence of it.  Still, the Sorting Hat knows so much more than the rest of us…

            Perhaps I ought to explain myself a bit.  You never know.  I might very well end up marrying a muggle, and it's good practice to sort out the simple definitions of everything now.

            Alright.  A witch or a wizard is a person capable of doing magic.  Some are better at it than others, and most people show particular aptitude in one area or another.  It's just like anything else though; some people are better at arithmetic, while others excel in writing, and yet more find their calling to be a musician.  A muggle is the opposite of a wizard, someone who can't practice magic.  That doesn't mean they can't be affected by it, or know about it.  Some muggles are very much a part of wizarding life.  In general, though, they're rather ignorant of magic, and rightfully afraid of it when they do encounter it.  Some wizards view muggles as detestable, trying to force them into servitude, but they are a minority.  The wizarding world has passed many laws to protect muggles from harms they don't even know they're at risk for.

            Hogwarts is a school were magic is taught.  Classes offered there include history, transfiguration, charms, potions, defense against the dark arts, herbology, flying, divination, arithmancy, ancient runes, care of magical creatures, and muggle studies.   Students are divided into four houses, Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Slytherin, and Ravenclaw.  Your house determines your living quarters, who else is in your classes, and quidditch teams.  There's always a good deal of house rivalry because of competition for the House Cup.

            Quidditch is a sport played on broomsticks.  It can be quite dangerous, and is really easier to understand once you've seen it played.  It's not a very big part of my life, so I'll spare you the details.

            Most everything else should be rather self-explanatory.  At any rate, most likely I'll be the only person to ever read this.  (This is your hint to stop reading if you aren't me.)  So, I shouldn't really require such a detailed explanation.  Unless, of course, I develop amnesia, which is rather unlikely, all things considered.

            That is the environment in which I've grown up.  This will be my seventh and final year at Hogwarts, starting September 1st when I take the train back to school for the last time.  I'll be head girl this year, alongside James Potter, much to my chagrin, and his as well if he still wants to pull his infamous pranks.  If he doesn't give them up, well, there will still be one decent role model for the students, and I'll take that responsibility with pride.

            And for now, I believe that is my life.  See, nothing exciting.  No Prince Charming, fire-breathing dragons, enchanted sleep, and certainly no happily ever after.  Just a lot of hard work, which begins again as soon as my summer vacation is over.

            I do wonder how Karin's doing though.  I suppose I ought to owl her tomorrow.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: Same as installment one.  Not mine, not intended to offend, so don't sue.

Author's Note on the elimination of Americanisms from her writing-After listening to far too many people rant about blatant Americanisms, I tried to do avoid using as many as possible.  This does not mean I've thrown in piles and piles of British expressions, just that I added I think a grand total of one "u" and avoided the slang I hear in everyday life as much as possible, since, aside from being American, it probably wasn't everyday slang in 1976.  Being as I am not British though, PLEASE TELL ME OF ANY OTHER BLATANT ERRORS I MAKE!  I'm not perfect, and I'm more than willing to make adjustments.

Author's Note on the nature of this installment-In all truthfulness, this is probably the second half of chapter one, but it grew rather lengthy so I split it in two.  As such, this chapter is still entirely in August.  There is little excitement.  No one dies, no one falls in love.  Karin makes an "appearance" of sorts, or, at the very least, you meet her a bit through Lily's letter and her response.  If this bores you to death, please tell me, and I'll tag on the next journal entry which promises to at the very least hint of something exciting plot-wise that isn't romantic.

August 3rd, 1976

            I finally wrote Karin today.  She's a sweet girl, if lacking in self-control, and my very greatest friend; I really miss her over the summer holiday.  Sentiment aside, I've folded a copy of the letter I sent into my most brightly pink journal.  It seemed appropriate.

Karin, my most magnanimous comrade in weekend chocolate consumption!

            How's life treating you?  Not too poorly, I should hope.  After all, you're off enjoying yourself on the shores of the Mediterranean in Southern France and here I am, seventeen (ahem) single, and stuck in my painfully muggle home on Hell Street, Suburbia, England.  Honest to God, even one of Professor Binns's infamous boring lectures on "ways in which wizards benefited economically from muggles in the earliest days of the Ministry" would almost be a welcome relief to the humdrum.

            Only almost, though.  At least Petunia hasn't bored herself to death yet.

            Can you honestly believe our seventh year "chez Hogwarts" starts in a matter of weeks?  I know _I _certainly can't.  Lord, in less than a year, we'll be on our own, fending for ourselves.  It's…that's…well, to be up front about it, I don't think most of us will be quite ready for it, least of all the **boys**.  You know which ones in particular.  Constantly bickering between the houses and pulling silly pranks, but come June, houses won't matter anymore and practical jokes could very well get the lot of them fired from every job.

            Regardless of how irritating school may have been, I will miss it, and the people, a good deal when we've left.

            Speaking of the horrors our school does subject us to, guess what I learned last week!  Alright, first off, I made head girl, so you'll simply have to do as I say!  Rather a frightening though, wouldn't you say?  But, likewise when we became prefects, I do solemnly swear that I shall be perfectly _fairly_ biased in my duties as head girl, not invent too many stories to take points from Slytherin, and never take more than five points at a time from Gryffindor, unless it's inevitable and a slight increase could reduce further deductions.

            Whew!  Quite a mouthful, that.  How did we ever manage to think up, let alone use such a mantra?

            Most unfortunately, however, my co-conspirator in Hogwarts leadership, while granted also from Gryffindor, is none other than James Potter.  Can you ever imagine why Dumbledore thought it fit to bestow the responsibility of enforcing school policy and acting as a role model to students upon the master of rule-bending himself?

            Yet, in all probability, we shall manage perfectly well.  I must admit, school will probably be more entertaining than ever this year.  Presumably, special activities must be among the first changes James has in mind, and so long as they aren't completely out of the question, and Dumbledore at least agrees, I'm more than game for a distraction from work.  I'm thinking a dance or two might be nice.  From what I've read, they were quite a traditional for a while but for whatever reason they fell out of favor with the staff.  If that plan fails, there are always the feasts to look forward too…

            Somewhere, deep in my subconscious, hidden under piles and piles of completely precious trivia I pull from my books, there must be a typical teenage girl, which merits my next series of questions:

            Tell me, have you met any dashingly-handsome, sweep-you-off-your-feet, buy-you-flowers, give-you-chocolate French boys to giggle about during the school year and send admiring letters to?  Is there a spare you could lend me?  Everyone says that the French, when they aren't being arrogant, can really be quite romantic, and heaven only knows I could use a bit of that in my life.  So, just tell Pierre, or whatever his name is, that your charmingly sweet and beautiful English friend desires his acquaintance.

            Of course, knowing you, you're still all caught up thinking about _Sirius Black, how dreamy_!  I don't see why…it's been nearly a year since you officially dated and yet, so far as I can tell, you've never exactly broken up…

            But as he hasn't showed up on my doorstep begging me to go out with him, I figure you're safe and he's still just as, um, obsessed with you as ever.  (I don't know what the proper term is for your relationship.)

            As for me?  I'm still as single as ever.  No one I particularly care to fawn over either.  It's just, I've dated Ravenclaws, and as much as I love books, my perfect evening out involves discussing them, not reading them in absolute silence except for the occasional ruffle as the pages turn.  Hufflepuffs, or, the one Hufflepuff, Amos Diggory, I went with to Hogsmeade back in the beginning of fourth year are really sweet and thoughtful but a bit, how shall I put this, dull conversationalists.  The Slytherins are a bit frightening; I'd be half afraid he'd stab me in the back when I wasn't looking if I dated one of them.  As for the Gryffindors?  Quite frankly, I don't see how you manage to date one of them without dating them all!

            After a year of singleness, though, I think I've accustomed myself to the fact that independence is a good thing, and my personal cupid really deserves his long vacation in the Bahamas.  I only wish I could join him there…

            Well, we can't all be perfect.  I figure that my inability to keep relationships going for very long must be the defect that counters being Head Girl this year.  Not that I really believe in the theories of equality in everything, but it would make a bit of sense, don't you think?

            This year, it appears we have a good deal of shopping to do before September 1st.  Are you back in England by August 20th to pay a visit to Diagon Alley?  I finally convinced my parents to attach our fireplace to the Floo Network on the condition that I only use it with their knowledge and consent, so this year we will be able to shop without Petunia's depressive hovering.  (I sincerely doubt she'd be thrilled by the idea of travel by magic, no matter how much it would please her to torment me.)

            Most unfortunately, though, Petunia the terrible insists she throw herself a birthday party this afternoon, and my parents, ever well meaning, insist I take some of the glory.  It shouldn't hurt too much; none of her friends know I exist, so I ought to be able to hide in the kitchen for most of the afternoon.  My parents, however, will worry if I don't make my appearance soon so the letter ends here.  Give Jasmine something to eat, and send a letter along with her if you could.

Much love from the most boring place on Earth,

Lily Evans 

There's nothing much else interesting to say about life.  My sister's party went as well as could be expected.  I spent the first hour baking chocolate chip cookies and eating them when they were warm and gooshy, then was dragged out of the room by my mother to "open presents".  Petunia received a sizeable pile of knickknacks, and Lily (I disassociated from myself while in _their_ company) opened a few hastily wrapped muggle stories from those few girls who remembered me from primary school.  It was nice of them to think of me at all.

Hopefully, in only 17 days, I will for the first time since school ended for the holiday, be able to sit and gossip about Hogwarts.  Talk with someone who doesn't puzzle over every aspect of muggle life sounds so pleasant right now.

August 4th, 1976

            Today, I sat on my arse in my room and read while listening to every one of the Beatles albums in chronological order.  My day consisted of muggle literature, muggle music, and muggle conversations over dinner.  I have nothing against muggles, seeing as I was one for eleven years.  It's just that I'm getting homesick for school.  I miss Gryffindor house and everything that comes with it, including the occasional morning when one awakes covered in slugs or with an alternate color of hair.  That's quite remarkable; if only "JamesandSirius" could have heard that.

            "JamesandSirius" are one person.  I could try to identify one half from the other, but that's a bit difficult.  So far as I can tell, the only difference is that Sirius on-and-off fancies Karin, and James disappears when "SiriusandKarin" need their time together.  When that happens, James and I, both being left without our best friends, crawl up in opposite corners of the common room to study and make the occasional rude comment on the length of time the two have been off "playing chess".

            Even at school, my days often consist of sitting on my arse and reading, but at least at Hogwarts when I take to staring at a spot on the wall, I can make the spot change colour.

            16 days until Diagon Alley.

August 5th, 1976

            Today, I drew.  It did not look like much.  Originally, I thought I would draw an elm tree, but I switched halfway through without erasing anything to drawing a lake, and all I had at the end was a blob of pencil lines.  I have no artistic abilities.

            My mother also served custard for dinner.

            15 days until Diagon Alley.

August 6th, 1976

            To no one's surprise, today was dull as well.  My entries for dull days are dull, because dull days have nothing interesting, so this is will be kept short.

            14 days until Diagon Alley.

August 7th, 1976

            Four days of nothing in a row leads me to believe that I should stop trying to keep a record of all the unremarkable minutiae of my life.  There shall be no more writings about days in which nothing occurred.

            13 days…

August 10th, 1976

            Huzzah!  Finally, a day with some excitement!

            I had just finished eating my breakfast of an apple, as I wasn't incredibly hungry, when Jasmine flew in through the kitchen window.  She looked quite happy, as anyone should be after spending nearly a week in Southern France relaxing.  Gleeful as I was to have her back to talk to, I was even more delighted by the letter from Karin she brought.

            It said nothing much unexpected.  She is enjoying her time out of the country, but will return on the 16th, leaving the 20th open for shopping.  Unfortunately, she claims she met no one I would be interested in sending love letters to, most likely because she really did carry around Sirius's picture with her to keep her from acting untruthfully to the wizard of her dreams, whom she protests to not be dating.  Additionally, she whines that Sirius only wrote to her once, and that I ought to stop moping about my love life and make sure there is at least one ball this year.  She's a silly girl, but I love her.

            10 days…

A/N-Merci beaucoup for my three sparkling reviews for chapter 1 part 1!  I'm looking forward to seeing what feedback I receive this time around.  Constructive criticism is wonderful as well.  Even if you don't like to review (and I sympathize completely because I have a fear of hitting the review button as well…) thank you for taking the time to read anyway. 


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: Not mine, don't kill me, falalalalalaaa!

A/N: Yet more from the files of my mind.  3 entries, each of decent length, making this the longest chapter yet and just about the length you can expect to see in the majority of chapters from this point on.  This chapter covers up through a little after Diagon Alley, and sets the groundwork for most of the entire plot for the first portion of the story, so pay attention!

Another A/N: I haven't received much feedback on this story, good or bad, so please, I beseech you, if you read my work, at least review one chapter of the story so I know you're out there.  If you have criticism, and it actually makes sense, please give me that as well.

August 16th, 1976

            Firstly and foremost, above and beyond all other concerns, unquestionably most important, 4 DAYS UNTIL DIAGON ALLEY!  Eeeeeeeeee!  I cannot wait!

            Along the same thread, Karin returned to England today, and quite frightened my family during lunch by stepping through into our fireplace.  She didn't stay long, but it was unquestionably nice to talk to her in person.  She hasn't changed at all during the holiday, although she claims to have been burned by the sun, ruining her complexion.  We talked through where in Diagon Alley we plan to visit, so we won't waste any time arguing.  It will probably take us all day to purchase everything on our collective lists, but as we have one real shopping trip a year, we'd best put it to good use.

            As I have a good deal of time to myself right now, I might as well set about the writing of above mentioned lists.  

(Petunia's on a date with the most recent object of her adoration: none other than poor Frank Longbottom, a very intelligent wizard friend of mine from Gryffindor and Head Boy last year, who was sitting in the kitchen yesterday giving me advice for taking charge of the school when Petunia flounced in the door after an unsuccessful bout of boy hunting and mistook him for our new muggle neighbor.  Well, she set her sights on him and when Petunia requests something, as I've told Frank countless times before, it's best to go along with her until she's bored.  My parents, for their part, are trailing the couple to ascertain that she doesn't enjoy herself, and Frank leaves a free man.  Being muggles themselves, they run no risk of accidentally using magic to accomplish their goal, or I guarantee I'd be in their place.  Anything for a chance to disappoint Petunia…)

SCHOOL NECESSITIES (BOOKS) 

_The Second Course Book of Advanced Spells_ by Wynn Doe

_Modern History of Magic_ by Bathilda Bagshot (What possessed that woman to write so many history books?)

_Advanced Transfiguration_ by Leonard Trade

_Magical Plants: A force to be reckoned with._ by Leif Fere  (I have this odd feeling that herbology will be a class to dread this year.)

_A Beginner's Guide to Potion Invention_ by Arsenius Jigger (Once more, a wizard so in love with his avenue of study that more than one textbook on the subject is printed under his name.)

Naturally, I'll also need potions refills, a new quill, ink, and far too much parchment.

CLOTHING NEEDS 

Sadly, I only really require a new winter cloak, which leaves little room for creativity.

WANTED 

Book of charms to protect journal with

Book of hexes to assail invaders of journal with

A nice wizarding chess set

Large bag full of random items used for practical jokes (honestly, it's for self-defense)

Poster-sized copy of the picture of Karin and I at the end of last year to give her for her birthday in October (which I must purchase before she arrives)

As much ice cream as we can eat!

            On a more depressing note, I've recently learned, through both Frank's and Karin's visits, that the wizarding world is in as much chaos as ever.  Little progress has been made since school ended to eliminate…Voldemort.  Muggle deaths and disappearances have increased to be expected at least once a week, and St. Mungo's takes in far too many witches and wizards who fronted the fight against him.  Thankfully, all of the names I've heard mentioned were foreign to me, yet I remain fearful not so much for myself, although not being of wizard blood I am a potential target, but for the families of friends from school, and especially for former Hogwarts students, notably Frank Longbottom.  He was accepted over the summer as one of the select group of Aurors for the Ministry of Magic, hired to work against dark magic, and if what he's let drop is any indication, he's to become one of their foremost investigators soon.  That is, if Petunia doesn't kill him first.

            Goodness, I don't want to think about what I'd do if someone I know personally were to be attacked.  If I can't associate the name with a face, I think I can manage, though.  What drives him, though?  What possesses Voldemort to go to such extremes for power and fear, and why does he attract such a following?  I don't understand people, really, I don't.

August 20th, 1976

            I am sitting in my room the morning of my trip to Diagon Alley to shop and already five minutes late for my meeting with Karin because my parents are upset with me.  Honestly, I haven't an idea why!

            All right, so maybe I did call Petunia an ugly, horse-faced, ignorant pig over the breakfast table, but she had it coming!  She hadn't said anything, but I could tell by the way she was glaring at me that she poor Jasmine would be taken hostage again today if I didn't keep her carefully out of sight.

            The bottom line is that I'm not to be allowed out of the house or given my shopping money until I apologize.  Honestly!  They expect me to apologize to the lousy, sniveling, good for nothing, wizard-hating wench?  I have a few savings, so perhaps I could just sneak out of the fireplace when they aren't looking…

            They were sitting in front of the fireplace waiting for me.  Why me?  Why isn't Petunia on house arrest too?  Ugh.  Fine, I will apologize, but I doubt she'll appreciate it at all.  She'll probably just gloat over how she made me fifteen minutes late.  I hope Karin hasn't given up on me and left already…

            Oh my, what a day.  It all began this morning.  My parents finally surrendered the fireplace after my pitifully humiliating apology to Petunia, who merely laughed in my face.  Then, I proceeded to use a good portion of the Floo powder Karin lent me to travel to the Leaky Cauldron.  From there, I managed find a rather impatient Karin seated at a corner table, nibbling subconsciously on her fingernails.  Several minutes later, we were strolling through Diagon Alley, window-shopping and strategizing, and all was exactly as planned.

            Even this brief lapse into normalcy had its interesting moments.  While in Flourish and Blotts, making our mundane schoolbook purchases, I explained to Karin my journal dilema, which lead to a lengthy investigation of every book filled with unheard-of charms and hexes.  I am quite pleased with the final selection, convinced thoroughly that the requirements necessary to be met before one could read my private thoughts are far enough out of the norm to dissuade most pesky intruders from my writings.

            Our next traditional-stop-turned-unorthodox was Madam Malkin's.  We both had a few standard items to replace, yet Karin insisted that we each stretch a little to purchase a set of "elegant yet eyecatching" dress robes, "just in case Professor Dumbledore allows a formal ball."  She's really almost overly confident in my persuasive abilities, and not just slightly enthusiastic about any excuse to bat her eyelashes more than usual at Sirius.  Unlikely as it may be that we'll ever wear our new robes in public, I'll admit it was extraordinarily amusing to try on such beautiful clothing, then walk away in possession of what I consider to be the most beautiful set.  Oh, I love them!  I could go into such detail, but I'm afraid that might make them cease to exist…

            What was I talking about, anyway?  Oh yes, the rest of the day.  Well, we had just completed buying all that we'd set out to obtain, plus a little extra, when who should stroll up alongside us and drag us rather forcibly to Fortescue's but the motley crew itself: James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter.  As is their habit when anyone could be watching, Sirius and Karin acted perfectly indifferent towards each other.

            As I was saying, our capture proceeded as follows:

            Simultaneously, Peter snatched my bags from my hands while Remus likewise took Karin's.  In yet another utterly synchronized movement, Sirius threw his arm around my shoulders, and James around Karin, and then marched us in procession to the ice cream parlour.

            "Hello, girls!" James sung, to no particular melody.

            My response would have been one of the three things that came immediately to mind ("Amazing, I'm actually glad to see all of you.  How was your summer?", "Dear God, James, you're even taller.  Stop growing and surrender our bags!", or "Please don't subject us to something too humiliating because I have to work with you until June.") but Karin beat me to it with more or less the same statements.

            "Nice to see you, boys.  How was your summer?  Mine was going great, but I'm afraid you all might do something drastic to make it take a turn for the worst.  Goodness, Sirius, you've grown even more.  I didn't think that was possible."

            I turned my head up to look at my captor, nodding my assent.  "Congratulations on making Head Boy, James," I added for good measure, and, I am unashamed to admit, to fish out a compliment or two.  Naturally, the boys paid no heed whatsoever to either of us, but continued prodding us towards the ice cream parlour, where they sat us opposite one another at a largish table, returned our bags, and fetched two milk shakes waiting at the counter with a not-too-well-concealed wink to Florean.  Karin and I sent each other worried glances as we were surrounded noisily by the co-conspirators to our embarrassment.  The milk shakes were actually rather delicious, something like strawberry banana I'd guess, but the after-taste, or, I should say, after-occurrence was certainly unpleasant.

            I felt myself stand up against my will (Karin later reported a similar sensation), grab the nearest individual, who happened to be Peter, kiss him on the tip of his nose, then sit myself back in my chair.  Remarkably, it was only at this point that the boys began to chuckle, and I soon discovered it was because a post had sprouted from the crown of my head with a sprig of mistletoe firmly attached to it.  And may I remind you that this took place in AUGUST, nowhere near the usual mistletoe season!  Honestly, aside from the Petunia affair that morning, I had never felt like such a laughing-stock.  My first reaction was to slap Peter, although in retrospect, I'm almost certain it was neither his idea nor potion, but I had just kissed him without intending to, and certainly that was worth something to justify inflicting pain…  Reaction number two was to point my wand threateningly at James, easily the most capable wizard of the lot, and demand that he remove the mistletoe and post immediately.  Karin's default "threaten them with lipstick" approach seemed to yield faster results, however, as no one really believed I'd do anything to hurt James or my practically spotless record.

            They finally compromised to give us the remedy if we fell to our knees and begged.  So, we begged and they set us back to normal.

            Honestly, those four!-they drive me insane sometimes, but life would be very dull without them around.  For the most part, we're actually friends.  I just don't quite understand or agree with their idea of "a friend is a victim who can't be too angry for too long."  If they weren't so funny half the time, even interesting to talk to, and if my best friend weren't head-over-heels for one of them, I'd stop talking to them altogether.

            For the moment, standings are very much in their favor.

            Shortly thereafter, Remus and Peter both departed separately, claiming to be needed elsewhere, while JamesandSirius, being the gentlemen they are, and, as I have mentioned before, nearly always to be found together, escorted us to Gambol and Japes.   SiriusandKarin promptly took the opportunity to disappear, creating one of those rare occasions when one could find James on his own.  Ordinarily we would have fallen into the accustomed comfortable silence, both thankful for the temporary calm, but for once we had something to talk about.

            "Congratulations, Head Girl," James began.  _This_ was worthwhile conversation.

            "Same to you," I answered, a bit repetitively.  "I have no idea what you intend to do with the title and, presumably, the authority that comes with it, but I for one think there's quite a lot we could set out to change.  That is, of course, if you agree?"

            James rolled his eyes, or, at least, I think that's what he tried to do.  "Lily Evans is already campaigning for extra evening classes for ambitious students, optional career seminars, and one hundred and one other ways to drill education into eager young minds.  I can already tell I'll agree to a select group of far less than half."

            "It's one thing to be a dedicated student and succeed at it, and quite another to have no life beyond textbooks, as you of all people should know, being a prime example of the first yet as far from the second as possible," I retorted, most likely yelling slightly, though I've tried to forget.  "I was actually thinking of something more social, something like-"

            "A ball!" James rudely interrupted, laughing.  "Silly Lily wants to dance!  Who with I wonder?"

            I gawked indignantly.  "It's none of your business!"  And really, it wasn't.  "But I would pay money to see you in dress robes."

            James grinned with the crooked, boyish smile he'd had since I'd met him in first year and always hoped he wouldn't outgrow.  "It just so happens," he said with an air of utmost importance, "that Dumbledore will most likely permit us to implement one new event this year.  For only two galleons, I will agree to a ball and wear to it whatever you wish."  He paused and shrugged.  "Otherwise, we'll just think of something else."  I would have agreed then and there, but something put the entire ordeal on hold.

            (Take this next recounting with a grain of salt, for while I describe it as a highly unusual occurrence, I do not normally spend my days in the wizarding public, living either safely in Hogwarts or sheltered in the muggle world.  From what I've been told, events like this are becoming all too common for the rest of the wizarding world.)

            A tall, middle-aged wizard with a frighteningly official look about him walked with an equally eerie calmness into the store and requested in a restrained, nearly monotone voice, "Will all licensed adult wizards and witches not in attendance of minors please disapparate from the whole of Diagon Alley.  All others should see me for a handful of Floo powder," he pointed to a fairly nondescript black satchel by his side, "then proceed to the emergency fireplace in the back room.  Travel to the Three Broomsticks in Hogsmeade if you need to meet with individuals not in this store.  Thank you."  Moments later, the room emptied slightlyand tingled everywhere of magic as every adult capable of disapparating did so.  In all probability, I looked every bit the clueless, confused girl I was, staring stupidly out the window at the Dark Mark hovering in the air.

            James, contrarily, knew precisely what was happening and yanked me by the elbow towards the rapidly growing line to obtain Floo powder.  "Lily, come ON!  Stop staring or there'll be another one hung for you!"  With a startled cry, I realized what was going on and ran with him, taking part in the chaos.

            "What about Sirius and Karin?" I asked hesitantly, taking a handful of the precious powder.  "Will they be alright?"

            "Lily, they're probably perfectly fine.  Keep your wits about you, and you will see both of them in Hogsmeade."

            I whimpered, nodding slightly, and didn't speak again until it came time to state my destination: the Three Broomsticks.

            It was rather unnerving to arrive there.  So many people were walking around anxiously, searching desperately for friends or exclaiming relief to have finally found someone.  Seeing on sign of SiriusandKarin, James and I sat down at the only available table to wait silently.  The crowds were beginning to disperse into the streets of Hogsmeade and beyond, to their homes, while we kept sitting petrified, refusing all offers of something to drink.  Finally, when we'd just about given up hope of meeting them todayk, they fell out of the fireplace, Karin first, blushing and overflowing with apologies.

            From what I could make of their garbled excuses, they were too "busy" to hear the initial announcement, and too "preoccupied" to notice the chaos which ensued.  When an annoyed Auror investigating the situation finally dragged them back to the real world, the panic was over, for the most part.  Talk about the disadvantages of having a boyfriend, or pseudo-boyfriend, whatever he is to her.

            So, several minutes later, we each went our separate ways towards home.  Karin promised to owl me the minute she learns any more of the exact details of what happened, and I've decided it's wisest not to tell my parents what occurred.  They may never let me out of the house again!

            Home life is still just as mundane as ever.  Petunia bragged over dinner about how "heart broken" Frank Longbottom must be to learn she would rather date someone else, an actual muggle this time.  He seems serious, sending her flowers already, so he'll be gone in a week or two.

            I have yet to pay James, so for the moment, there's no upcoming ball this year.  He might still turn fickle and back out, so nothing's certain, but just the chance is tantalizing.  All school shopping has been completed.  Summer assignments were finished midway through July.  My Head Girl badge has been affixed to my robes.  Everything is ready to go.

            Twelve days until Hogwarts begins for the last time for me.

            And absolutely NOTHING worthwhile until then.

August 26th, 1976

            News of the outside world finally reached me today!  Unfortunately, it's just about as confusing and disconcerting as news can be.

            The Dark Mark at Diagon Alley didn't appear to be connected with a murder, kidnapping, or torture as the symbol usually is.  Common speculation seems to be that it was part of the initiation of a new Death Eater, which is rather bizarre, seeing as such an event has never been noted before, despite the growing following of the Dark Lord.  Whoever it was that cast the spell managed to completely evade capture.

            The next day, however, the Dark Mark loomed ominously over the location of an actual murder, that of a pureblood former Ravenclaw of Hogwarts named, oddly enough Phaedra Genson.  Genson wasn't at all involved in the ongoing fight against the Dark Lord, never stood out as a particularly vocal muggle sympathizer, and was known by hardly anyone, seeing as she worked as an author from her living room and published under an undisclosed penname.  Why she was singled out as a victim is mystifying.  It just doesn't make sense!

            On a more frightening note, Petunia seems quite taken with her man of the moment and shows no sign of giving him up.  Even so, she refuses to tell me his name or invite him over while I'm at home because she's ashamed to have a freak for a sister.  Talk about courtesy!

            Not that it's really any concern of mine, anyway, but it's just rather disconcerting.

            Apparently, in the past six days, Karin and Sirius have also sworn once again never to speak to each other again, and then just as promptly gone back on their word.

            I know no normal people.

            Six days until Hogwarts.


	4. Chapter 4

DISCLAIMER! Not mine, don't sue.  Falalalalalalalaaaaaa…

A/N-This chapter was difficult for me to write.  Let me explain, in order to start writing about life at Hogwarts, I needed to decide what courses Lily would take.  But since there's no canon info about 7th year schedules, I had to make all of that information up.  Then, I sat down and wrote down her weekly schedule so I wouldn't get confused, included times for all three meals and passing periods.  That was rather difficult.  After that, I needed to look up what day school would start on, to fit that in with her schedule.  Finally, I could write…  Unfortunately, half of the things I meant to write about in this chapter won't crop up until the next chapter.  There's was more to say about the first four days of school than I thought possible.  So, my apologies for the delay!

September 1st, 1976

            Ah!  This is such a nice feeling.  Here I am, sitting on the Hogwarts Express, Karin looking over my shoulder to check if the new charms work, and surrounded by my peers, _wizarding_ peers.  It is peace, nothing but peace.

            Which is ironic because here I am, headed back to another year at school, and within a few days I know it'll hit me once more that school really does mean work, and more work, and-hey!-work!  But, for the moment, school is exactly where I want to be.  Like I said, ironic.

            The weather's incredible for taking a train ride, thunder, lightning, and the works.  Despite spending exactly six years now surrounded by magic, I still can't help but feel a sense of wonderment at how we can ride so smoothly while the wind, I swear, is trying to derail us.  If I set one foot outside when it's raining like this, I'm literally blown away.  Woosh!  There goes Lily, soaring over the trees, using no magic and no broom!

            Judging from the fact that Karin just stole my diary, shook it a few times, looked at it, shook her head, and handed it back to me with several ruffled pages, I'd say the security charms are working.  So far, all we've charmed the diary to do is to make the writing invisible to everyone but me, even as I write it, and to look exactly like I want it to look.  Unfortunately for Karin, the invisible writing charm isn't entirely foolproof, as it has been known, according to the book, to occasionally give the writing a mind of its own and let it reappear when it takes a particular liking to a person.  So we're placing a few pre-cast hexes triggered by attempts to pry the journal open without authorization.  Karin will also be testing these…  I hope they don't injure her too much.  There's no hospital wing on the train.

            Let's see, between turning pink, growing enlarged ears, constant nose itching and the inability to move one's arms to scratch it, and the disappearance of one's eyebrows, there's no permanent damage, is there?  No, no real harm.  I'm off to cast more spells!

            Karin, thankfully, has been spared of the business of testing the charms, a task which fell quite accidentally upon much worthier victims.  This also marks one of the few times her habit of procrastination has really paid off in the long run.

            We had finished the necessary charms and spells, which, when triggered all at once, certainly have a most unpleasant though not harmful effect, and Karin was quite adamant that there was absolutely no way she would lay hands on my diary now, or at any time in the future.  I told her that I knew precisely how everything could be undone, but she glared at me.  I could be wrong, but I'm fairly sure she was thinking of the time when I rather drastically butchered the pronunciation of "_Finite Incantatum_" and wound up recasting the very spell I was trying to stop.

            While Karin and I were having our battle of wills, both of us staring stubbornly at the journal I was holding out to her, who should traipse in but James, looking to remind me that, as Head Girl, I should be ready when the train arrives to step into my duties, followed closely by Peter, his shadow.  James was honestly mid-sentence, lecturing me quite ironically about setting a good, well-behaved example for the first years, when he noticed that neither I nor Karin really cared that he was there, both being too preoccupied staring at a book.  Being James, and with that overly-curious, nosey, and possessing feelings being invincible, he took the diary from my hands, read the cover with a haughty air of defiance, and tore it open eagerly just as Peter reached out to hold the book as well.

            Both received the full force of the protection charms, and all seems to be working well.  Neither should be coming near my journal again.

            I was nice enough to reverse most of the spells for them after they fell to their knees and begged, but as a bit of revenge for the mistletoe incident, their eyebrows will not reappear until midnight tonight.  Ah, the power feels magnificent.

            James was right, however, that it's just about time for me to finally let go of the last shreds of the summer holiday and step into my role as this year's Head Girl.  Oh, wish me luck.

            The sorting ceremony went just marvelously.  Perhaps the only glitch was that we're to have a new Defense Against the Dark Arts student teacher this year, giving Professor Purbleschmit a well deserved break occasionally, and he or she did not attend the feast.  Aside from that, the food was delicious, as usual, and I wish you could have seen the faces of the new students, especially the ones in Gryffindor.  They all looked up to James and me with such adoration; it was amazing to know that so many people take me as a role model.  It makes me proud!

            One of them, named Bill I believe, seemed especially curious about the two of us, following us around everywhere once we arrived at Gryffindor Tower, and asking the most random questions.  Neither James nor I ever got the opportunity to ask him anything once he started talking.  He had a unique look about him, with incredibly bright red hair cut short, a fact which he constantly complained about to us, a charming smile, and an odd habit of rolling up the sleeves of his robes whenever he spoke about something he wished would change.  For a first year, though, he seemed to know quite a good deal about magic already.  I wouldn't be a bit surprised if he turns out near the top of his class.

            For my part, I'm incredibly excited about this upcoming year.  This year, I'll finish learning what the school supposes is everything needed to survive outside of school.  Additionally, there are Hogsmeade trips to look forward to (the first of which falls the weekend of Karin's birthday), and possibly a ball, although I'm not too certain whether that's going to become an actuality.  I still haven't had an opportunity to pay James, and in all honestly, I'm having second thoughts.  A ball would be fun, unquestionably, but it would mean going through the hassle of finding a date.

            And then, I'm not entirely convinced that I need to pay James in order to hold one this year.  Perhaps if we lift the condition that he wears whatever I ask, he'd agree without taking any of my spending money for the year.  If you ask me, he seemed rather eager to hold the dance as well, so maybe he has a girl he'd like to ask.  Suspicions are fun to live with, at any rate.  Also, the general populace would love him if he agreed, and everyone knows how much James values his popularity…

            Except, I don't want James to get all the credit for this!  It wasn't his idea in the first place; it was mine.

            There you have a perfect example of my jealous streak, one of the banes of my existence.  I wish it would just disappear for a while.

            On a completely different note, I did manage to owl an order for Karin's poster, since I was unable to at Diagon Alley, and I should be receiving the package sometime this week.  Her birthday is on October 1st, and she will be turning eighteen.  Remarkable, isn't it?  I've known her since we were both innocent and eleven; how did we manage to grow up?

            As classes start at nine o'clock tomorrow, I really ought to find some time to sleep tonight.  I hope my schedule turns out well.

            Eleven hours until it's time to think!

September 2nd, 1976

            It's five o'clock in the morning and I haven't the faintest idea why I'm awake.  Nothing was supposed to wake me until seven, which would leave more than enough time to dress, eat breakfast, and check my schedule for the day.

            Yet here I am at five in the morning sitting cross-legged on the same bed I've slept in since my first year here.  I have the oddest sense that I've been in this situation before.  Oh, yes, every September 2nd since school began.

            I hate nerves.  They disrupt my sleep.  I was having such a nice dream for a while there, but then it turned rather odd, and I woke up.

            I was sitting by the side of a small lake, one I've never seen before, and the water was cool, rippling softly and reflecting the sky above me.  Surrounding me on either side were trees, the perfect type to climb in, with their green leaves stretched up to the sun.  I began to climb one, and then I reached a sort of tree house.  Inside, there was a chess game, and a mysterious opponent dressed all in black sat across the table.  We began to play, my adversary black, and I being white, but then all of my pieces became black pawns, except the king and queen, both of whom bowed their head solemnly in defeat.  All of a sudden, the tree house crashed to the ground, and Professor Flitwick walked over to me, telling me that he was ashamed at how poorly I'd been doing this year.  He said that if I wanted to succeed in life, I needed to stop sleeping through his classes.  He began to be joined by the rest of the professors, when I woke up so I wouldn't sleep through my next class.

            It would have been a nice plan, if it weren't four hours before classes start.

            Howsoever, seeing as I stand little chance of falling back asleep, I might as well dress and head to the Great Hall for a quiet breakfast.  I might also be able to obtain my schedule early from Professor McGonagall, just to set me at ease.

            Ah hah!  I'd do a victory dance, but I'm afraid I might wake Karin, Lilac, or Maggie, my roommates.  It's still rather early to be energetic…

            Honestly, they'd probably just stare at me if I told them why I'm excited even they saw me though.  Granted, it's really not much, but I did manage to obtain my schedule ahead of time, and the wonderful Professor Dumbledore listened to my pleas and has allowed me to drop Herbology in favor of another Advanced Charms class.  So, this year, my schedule includes Potions, Advanced General Transfiguration, Astronomy, Arithmancy, Ancient Runes, Advanced Defense Against the Dark Arts, Advanced Charms, History, and Charms Creation.  It's rather…busy, granted, but it should be valuable.

            All right, so, maybe it's not really something to be incredibly excited about, at all.  I seem to forget that this is SCHOOL I'm taking about.  Sometimes, I like school.  Odd. 

            Speaking of school, it's nearly seven, so it wouldn't hurt to wake everyone up now.  History's first today!  Hopefully this year we'll learn about something interesting!

            That's it; I'm taking it all back.  The professors are seeking some sort of revenge against the seventh years for some unknown wrong we committed over the past few years.  I had three classes already today, so naturally, I've been assigned essays in History and Ancient Runes, both on the overall significance of our summer reading, and a write-up in Arithmancy on the numerical implications behind "7", for the year we are now starting.  It is all due for the next time we meet next week.  Additionally, I have astronomy tonight at 10:30.  Ah, the pain!  It's terrible!

            I suppose it's not all terrible, though.  Learning new things should be fascinating, once we move around to it, and there's all the people I've missed over the summer who are going through just the same torture.

            So, it's nothing to be taken personally.

            For the moment, until it's time for dinner, I think I shall take my chess set to the common room and test it out on any unsuspecting victim.  Let's hope I do well!

            Most depressingly, I lost my chess game to Peter.  He received a good deal of help from James and Remus, though, so all hope is not completely forsaken.  Perhaps I really ought to play more if I ever expect to be any good at this game.  On yet another sad note, it's just about time to start thinking about the various assignments, eat dinner, and prepare for a long night of learning in the Astronomy Tower.  Being myself more of a morning person, I can already tell I will come to detest Thursdays this year.  Which is such a pity, since Thursday used to be my favorite day of the week.

            Late.  Tired.  Astronomy as expected.  Guys still idiots.  Usual comments.  Have some obsession with the Tower.  Don't understand.  Not thinking.  More later.

Saturday, September 4th, 1976

            I'll be the first to say this to you: how incredibly bizarre!  This is, of course, in reference to a rather unsettling event, or, occurrence, that is, more of a realization I had yesterday.  Apparently, Frank Longbottom's first real assignment as an Auror was to keep an eye on things at Hogwarts.  I don't understand!  At first, I thought this was just a big joke someone was playing on him, or on me.  Hogwarts, a serious assignment for an Auror?  It's just ridiculous.

            But no, he tells me.  He'll be helping to teach Defense Against the Dark Arts this year, his specialty, particularly after becoming an Auror, while primarily watching out any sign of Voldemort or his minions, I suppose.  For whatever reason, there's some speculation that either students here are rather likely to be victims, or that the Dark Lord is seeking followers from among the ranks of our students.

            I can't quite fathom it!  Hogwarts is supposed to be so well protected as it is, that sending in a trained Auror should be excess, if anyone were to try to attack it.  That seems positively ludicrous.  Even more impossible, to me, is that my peers would already be Death Eaters.  Presumably, this would be more the Slytherins than Gryffindor, but even they are mostly people I respect, if not like particularly.  It makes no sense to me.  No sense whatsoever.

            On a more positive note, I can say with some certainty that Frank Longbottom has not been killed or injured on the job yet, and that most likely he will remain safe this year.  It will be nice to talk to him more frequently this year, and I expect we shall learn a good deal about defense as well.

            I'm just a bit on edge about the whole ordeal.  My perfect, sheltered world within Hogwarts, the protective bubble surrounding my life, has been punctured.  Woosh!  At this point, I'm hoping it doesn't take my sanity with it.

            Naturally, I'm overreacting a good deal, and will probably calm down and return to normal within a few hours, but in the meantime, panic is the prevalent thought in my mind.

            Karin, contrarily, hasn't seemed affected by it at all.  She's off with Sirius at the moment, so Hogwarts life is falling into place as usual.

            In a way, I have to envy her the relationship she does have, despite its rampant oddities.  She has a relationship to fall back on, and I have, well, a journal, family who doesn't quite understand the pace of my life, and a best friend who is as wonderful as I could wish but she's only one person!  It's not the same to scream at a friend, as it is to cry on the shoulder of a knight in shining armor.

            Not that I need a knight in shining armor, either.  He doesn't need to fight any wars to find me, or go horseback riding, or be wealthy, or come from an upper class family.  Most certainly, he doesn't need to walk around wearing metal plates.

            I just wish that for once in my life I could be swept off my feet completely.  For that, I envy Karin.  No one ever thought they'd be a cute couple, but once things starting happening between them, even if they only "officially" happened for a week, no one questioned that they were ideal, at least for the moment.  Whenever she's been out with him, she always comes back in elation, just bubbling over at the edges with delight, and I wish I could be so effervescent because some guy was that wonderful, that important to me, that caring and sweet.

            Here I am, the ultimate walking contradiction: I don't need a boyfriend and I don't have the time for one, yet I envy my friend's beau and love.

            I envy her free time as well, something I'm beginning to notice I lack.  All the free time I do have I seem to spend being an introvert, which is completely necessary, but it takes away from everything else I could do.

            I think I'll talk to James again about throwing a ball, see if I can't work my way out of paying for it.  It would be a good excuse to make time for myself, and see if I can't find the man of my dreams waiting just around the corner of the hallway on my way to class.

            Also, seeing as it's not likely I'll be meeting him anytime soon; perhaps I ought to talk to Karin about going to France with her this summer.  If my Prince Charming isn't at Hogwarts, then he must not be in this country.

            Her package arrived over breakfast, and it looks wonderful.  It's currently all wrapped and safely hidden under my bed.

            27 days until Karin's birthday, and 28 until Hogsmeade!

Closing Note: Next chapter should include at least one full moon, a death, more chess games, and a mysterious intruder.  Just to keep you interested…


End file.
